One day a blonde decides that she is so sick and tired of all these blonde jokes and how all blondes are perceived as stupid, so she decides to show her husband that blondes really are smart.
While her husband is off at work, she decides that she is going to paint a couple of rooms in the house.
The next day, right after her husband leaves for work, she gets down to the task at hand.
Her husband arrives home at 5:30 and smells the distinctive smell of paint. He walks into the living room and finds his wife lying on the floor in a pool of sweat. He notices that she is wearing a ski jacket and a fur coat at the same time.
He goes over and asks her if she is OK. She replies yes. He asks what she is doing. She replies that she wanted to prove to him that not all blonde women are dumb and she wanted to do it by painting the house.
He then asks her why she has a ski jacket over her fur coat. She replies that she was reading the directions on the paint can and they said…FOR BEST RESULTS, PUT ON TWO COATS.
Monday
Blonde with a hot iron
A young man comes home from the office and finds his blonde bride sobbing uncontrollably. ”What’s wrong?” he asks.
”I feel awful,” she cried. “While I was pressing your suit, I burned a big hole in the seat of your trousers.”
“Don’t worry about it,” consoled the husband. “Remember that I have an extra pair of pants for that suit.”
“Yes, and it’s a damn good thing you do, too,” she replied, drying her eyes. “I used them to patch the hole.”
”I feel awful,” she cried. “While I was pressing your suit, I burned a big hole in the seat of your trousers.”
“Don’t worry about it,” consoled the husband. “Remember that I have an extra pair of pants for that suit.”
“Yes, and it’s a damn good thing you do, too,” she replied, drying her eyes. “I used them to patch the hole.”
Heads and shoulders
A blonde and a brunette are catching up after having not seen each other for a long while, when the brunette says to the blonde, “Did you know that I’m married to Billy now?”The blonde replies, “Really? No, I did’nt know that, but I used to date him. Isn’t he the one who had the really bad dandruff?”“Yeah,” answered the brunette, “but I fixed that, I gave him some head and shoulders.”The blonde looks really confused and after a few moments asks, “How do you give Shoulders?”
The blonde kidnapper
This blonde woman was having financial troubles, when she decided to kidnap a child and demand a ransom. She went to a local park, grabbed a little boy, took him behind a tree and wrote this note:
I have kidnapped your child. Leave $10,000 in a plain brown bagbehind the big oak tree in the park tomorrow by 7 AM.
Signed - “The Blonde”
She pinned the note inside the boy’s jacket and told him to go straight home.The next morning, she returned to the park to find the $10,000 ina brown bag, behind the big oak tree, just as she had instructed. Alsoinside the bag was the following note:
“Here is your money. I cannot believe that one blonde would dothis to another.”
I have kidnapped your child. Leave $10,000 in a plain brown bagbehind the big oak tree in the park tomorrow by 7 AM.
Signed - “The Blonde”
She pinned the note inside the boy’s jacket and told him to go straight home.The next morning, she returned to the park to find the $10,000 ina brown bag, behind the big oak tree, just as she had instructed. Alsoinside the bag was the following note:
“Here is your money. I cannot believe that one blonde would dothis to another.”
Blonde on an airplane
On a plane bound for New York the flight attendant approached a blonde sitting in the first class section and requested that she move to economy since she did not have a first class ticket. The blonde replied “I’m blonde, I’m beautiful, I’m going to New York and I’m not moving.”
Not wanting to argue with a customer the flight attendant asked the co-pilot to speak with her. He went to talk with the woman asking her to please move out of the first class section. Again, the blonde replied, “I’m blonde, I’m beautiful, I’m going to New York and I’m not moving.” The co-pilot returned to the cockpit and asked the captain what should he do.
The captain said, “I’m married to a blonde, and I know how to handle this.” He went to the first class section and whispered in the blonde’s ear. She immediately jumped up and ran to the economy section mumbling to herself, “Why didn’t anyone just say so?” Surprised, the flight attendant and the co-pilot asked what he said to her that finally convinced her to move from her seat. He said, “I told her the first class section wasn’t going to New York.”
Not wanting to argue with a customer the flight attendant asked the co-pilot to speak with her. He went to talk with the woman asking her to please move out of the first class section. Again, the blonde replied, “I’m blonde, I’m beautiful, I’m going to New York and I’m not moving.” The co-pilot returned to the cockpit and asked the captain what should he do.
The captain said, “I’m married to a blonde, and I know how to handle this.” He went to the first class section and whispered in the blonde’s ear. She immediately jumped up and ran to the economy section mumbling to herself, “Why didn’t anyone just say so?” Surprised, the flight attendant and the co-pilot asked what he said to her that finally convinced her to move from her seat. He said, “I told her the first class section wasn’t going to New York.”
Blonde one liners
Why was the blonde excited when she finished the jigsaw puzzle in six months?Because the box said 4 to 6 years.
What do you call a blonde with half a brain?Gifted.
A blonde looked at her drivers license and got depressed when she saw that she got an “F” in sex.
How can you tell which blonde is the waitress?She’s the one with the tampon behind her ear, wondering what she did with her pencil.
What do you call a blonde with half a brain?Gifted.
A blonde looked at her drivers license and got depressed when she saw that she got an “F” in sex.
How can you tell which blonde is the waitress?She’s the one with the tampon behind her ear, wondering what she did with her pencil.
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